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Why are we so scared of the Truth?

8th August 2026

So something that has been landing in me this last few years, is how much we avoid truth. Avoiding the truth in my life over the years has led to many addictive behaviours, from drinking alcohol and smoking for "socialising" from a young age; to experimenting with slightly stronger substances when clubbing and staying out for obscene numbers of hours! Now my addictions are more behavioural patterns that catch me out. Also I do have ways to avoid, but often I am consciously avoiding, which feels more comfortable to know that I am putting something off but I will come back to it, rather than my subconscious having to kick me in the butt! Obviously all that remains unconscious still does that time to time, as that's its nature.

So I felt to write about this, as i was renewing my website domain name. Over the last 4 years, I developed a chronic illness (well it exaccerbated over this time it was likely very slowly developing for much longer); called Uterine Fibroids. Something that over 80% of women have, but not all necessarily suffer with pain and heavy bleeding, but many do. An interesting concept to be developing these hard benign tumours that distort the womb and can make periods out of this world in discomfort, and even outright pain and haemorraghing for some, not to mention women's womb's protuding like mine - to almost the size of 6 months pregnant due to huge fibroids that can grow the size of large melons! If you have been reading my posts before, you'll know I am of the school of thought that the body's symptoms are very linked to psychoemotional and environmental factors. I find it interesting, that in many predominant patriarchal systems that exist in these times, the collective symbology of the majority of women are physically suffering from hard growths in their wombs - the one part of the anatomy that really differentiates us from men, and is supposed to be soft and small. I don't think its just a coincidence, as when we consider menstrual cycles when healthy, they flow with quite little blood (about an egg cup full a month), no pain, and no enlarged distorted uterus. There are still women that can vouch for this experience. I did for some time, and do again now since having a medical procedure earlier this year.

I am painting this background information to set the scene that I recognise what I suffered with is a sociopolitical issue in the UK, and that it's linked to high levels of chronic stress, which causes excessive oestrogen production - amongst other things - creating a ripe environment for Fibroid growth or cancer. Also interestingly, women of colour in the UK suffer from this condition more than white women - again one could say there is even more sustained internalised stress to women of colour based on sociopolitical factors.

However, personally on top of this, there has been a trauma around children in many past lives, which is where I am getting to with this subject of Truth. Now it was put to me many times, about whether I would want children in this lifetime, and each time my well rehearsed (and believed to be my truth each time I said it) -was "if it happens it happens, but depends on a decent man who'd be a great father before I decide to having kids, if that doesn't happen i'm not fussed eitherway".  Now this was because my unconscious has had so many traumas around this in the past, that it was doing everything to actively sabotage any chances of having children in this lifetime, and many others. This lead to dating men that didn't want children, or more children, and leaving men who did...choosing a guy that thought he did, and then when I realised I wanted to with him, he changed his mind! That was the most recent co-created act of life that was being mirrored back to me. There is no blame here, as i know on some level I was too scared to, but on a soul level I was trying to show myself the truth. Whenever someone named this could be going on for me, I never really sat with the question. I know now that when I rush an answer and not really give it space, like I see many of us do, we are not really wanting to know the truth ahd are sharing something rehearsed, believed, and repeated. In fact, I would even say the quicker the response - the most repetitive - especially if it comes with some emotional urgency like irritation, or annoyance, or force before you've even fininshed asking the question! I admire those who really stop and feel into their answer in the moment, when it's a big question, i'm not talking about someone answering whether they want milk in their tea or not! 

For quite a few years, i have been running from the truth of yearning to have children and to have a family. I work with children, I spend lots of time with them, and i love them. This has helped me still be able to express my maternal instincts this lifetime, however it caused me great illness until I accepted and surrendered to the truth, and then i finally had a procedure that dealt with my fibroids, and I now have very light painless periods, as natural as they are meant to be. It's truly incredible the timing of my mental emotional and spiritual acceptance of the truth, and then the physical shift in my symptoms and timing of medical intervention (I was on  a waiting list for surgery for 3-4 years, and then it happened very quickly once the realisation landed; a matter of months). 

I have also witnessed how we move away from people that can see truths that are being ignored. We do it with friends and family, and I see how suddenly a friend stops getting in contact, or friends have even said to me that they find it uncomfortable and would rather not be challenged by friends. I now feel that I definitely want this! We all have blind spots, and i'd much rather a friend whom I love and respect to do it than when it happens with a stranger, or through a highly activated state or "trigger" (some act or behaviour that gets a reaction out of us immediately, and we go into a Nervous System survival response such as fight/flight/freeze/fawn). I know when i've done it, i've blamed someone else for making me feel uncomfortable, or that they are "competing with me/  don't like me/ judging me" etc etc. And  i see and hear that in others too when they are speaking about situations.

I host a group once a month that "looks at our stuff" in good company, so that we can really check ourselves and see what the truth is. It's only going to help us, I mean the truth reveals so much. I believe that fear and unconscious habits prevents us from seeing the truth, so slowing down, checking your answers and where you are coming from is key. I totally get this is not some people's way, but doing this self awareness and growing consciousness is not going to happen only on your own, because we are all interconnected, so others are constantly mirroring and reflecting back to us - plus it's much easier witnessing it another than seeing our own shadows sides (the parts of us we don't want to admit about ourselves).

So why does this matter in today's world you might say...? Well, if we understood that when we are triggered with very strong emotions aorund things like anger, hate, resentment, jealousy, fear, anxiety etc... they are emotions that live within us. When we feel them strongly and we don't like it, we try to push them onto someone else, and blame them for making us feel uncomfortable. This is what causes disharmony in our relating. We are failing to process the emotion that has arisen and we have projected them out with a reason to blame and judge someone else as being the cause of our uncomfortable feelings arising. 

This is another reason with how propaganda works, and why this blog is relevant to the times we are in. If we are scared of scarcity, we could look outside ourselves for to project and blame our fear and hatred outwards, like to vulnerable people on benefits, asylum seekers, immigrants, etc. That's why politicians and the media are stirring up alot of divisive rhetoric, because the cost of living has become unmanageable for many, and the fear and anger is being put onto various cohorts of people, rather than  us really looking into the truth. 

Another great example of where people don't want to see the truth because it makes them feel uncomfortable, is things like colonial history, racism, sexism, masogyny, prejudices about people with disabilities or belonging to different classes etc. Most don't want to believe they have been conditioned into various belief systems or schools of thought, and therefore would rather believe "they are right and someone else/ or a group of other people are wrong". Perhaps the truth that we have allowed ourselves to be manipulated for generations, or that truth can be very uncomfortable, or that we believe things that are socially unacceptable or highly confusing to our moral standards - is just way too difficult to hold. This all feeds our desire to block ourselves from the truth. If we all did this self awareness act regularly, the world would be a much more harmonious place - otherwise why does truth matter. In a time where there is so much misinformation, lies, manipulation; we can see what that generates in society - fear mongering, blame, resentment, prejudice, a general feeling of unsafety and anxiety about the future and of others. 

I sense another thing that gets in the way of us seeing truth, is that it means we have to take more accountability and responsibility for ourselves if we saw things truthfully. We might have to make decisions and life choices we would rather not. For example deciding not to purchase from somewhere you know is unethical, but very easy to do so. Or not working for an organisation/industry that pays very well but again, is unethical. Throwing stuff away in refuse bins or littering, and ignoring the truth about where our refuse goes. Being part of organisations that are impacting our natural resources like water or fossil fuels, or funding wars, or perhaps having to change our religious or spiritual beliefs that we were handed down from our families - and the impact of that? This list goes on... sadly that IS a sign of the times we are in. A time where people are seeing conspiracy theories as conspiracy truths. Times where the truth can be politically held back in law, or visibly redacted, even with aspects that directly impact us as a society; a community of humans. 

What could Truth give us all? Something to ponder yourself perhaps...what are you hiding from? What's your response when someone shares or highlights a truth about you, to you? Or about a situation we are all in collectively? This is a very enriching practise, try it and let me know, or feedback what your thoughts are on Truth, and why people are scared of it.

Why do people find it so challenging to be with their emotions in these times?

26th April 2026

So something  that has allowed me to have the courage, wherewithall, and capacity to sit with myself, and be with the emotions that arise and then fall away, the waves, and the movement of these through my being and Nervous System; is that I have learned that it takes more effort to repress than allow them, they are only afterall "energy in motion" - e-motion. I also learned they get stored in the body manifesting into physiological, psychological and emotional aspects of ourselves as a result i.e. developing a chronic illness, or maanging high levels of anxiety and panic attacks, or young people self harming to feel the pain in a different way that feels more manageable (believe it or not!)

For example, as i explored Grief in the previous blog, and how unexplored, it can turn into ADHD type symptoms - like not being able to sit still, running from one subject to another without finishing anything, lack of general focused attention,  focus on "doing" and not "being with", fight/flight survival response, living in chaos etc. Unexplored grief can keep people in cycles of anxiety and "doing" so hard, that as Gabor Mate has written about extensively in "When the body says no", the body can force one to sit still by developing ME, chronic fatigue, and even physical injuries that make us stop. I literally have witnessed this recently; working with a 15 year old that broke his femur during a football tackle and it forced him to stay at home and feel the grief of all that had happened in his life 4 years previous that he was reluctant to feel. I had already worked with this young person to uncover these, but he had yet to actually cry. Finally, after meeting with his estranged mum and side of the family, it brought this all back and after a year of therapy, he let go and finally broke down and cried. What a relief! Finally it took his body to incapacitate him from his semi pro footbal career, to feel all that has been brewing for years. Since this, he has been able to focus better at school and improve his grades just in time for his GCSES, and has a girlfriend with a healthier relationship than the previous one. 

This young person kept saying he's "doing really badly" and "feels terrible" and "falling apart", but i'm reassuring him that this is how it feels to the parts of him that have been protecting him from feeling this cascade of emotional pain - when he couldn't handle it - making him feel it would be dangerous to feel this. However, counterintuitive to now, the best thing he can do for himself, is ride these strong waves of emotion so that they too, shall pass.

The other aspects that informs us around what it means to feel our emotions, is familial conditioning. What did our parents show us around feeling our emotions, and which emotions were they comfortable with and which were they not? What is the sociopolitical and cultural conditioning around this? What does our culture here tell us about being a boy or a man and crying, or acknowledging their fear? What does it tell us about being a girl or a woman and feeling anger and rage? How does it inform us about a woman in a professional career and being confused, unsure and vulnerable? 

Many children, young people and adults who don't feel things like sadness, grief, anger, resentment and so on, can also fail to feel joy, gratitude, compassion and peace etc. It's like being depressed, or "pressing down your emotions" so you don't feel any of them much. If you don't open to the full range of emotions, I have witnessed and experienced, a lack of feeling fully fulfilled, alive, at peace, and with joy/bliss.

I also see the culture in England that I was raised in, that it is easy to avoid this by watching hours of netflix series, by doomscrolling, by computer games, by being completely driven in a successful career and not have time and space to process emotions. There are strong addictive subtances and acts that are more desirable than facing emotions, especially when associated with trauma.  There are addictions that are more socially acceptable like alcohol say, than facing these fears, painful memories, psychological and emotional wounds.

Sometimes I hear parents saying their child is depressed or anxious and they don't understand why or what's wrong with them. Here, i'd like to add another dimension to this, as someone who works with Ancestral/Systemic Constellations, and how things get passed down from generations, like intergenerational trauma, or things that weren't expressed safely and validated. Then this child/young person is simply bringing this into the family system to be acknowledged and worked through in a healthier way, or simply be included. This is written about extensively, so do look this up if it's something that has peaked interest, or resonates on some level and you don't necessarily get why (Stephen Hausner "Even if it costs me my life"; Francesca Mason Boring "Connecting to our Ancestral Past"; Bert Hellinger "Looking into the Souls of Children"; Efu Nyaki/Peter Levine "Healing Trauma through Family Constellations and Somatic Experiencing; Mark Wolynn "It didn't start with you").

Finally, I would suggest that when feeling emotions are not rolemodelled our taught in schools, then it feels dangerous and terrifying to feel some emotions. Many of us live in our heads where emotions don't live, because here it is safe, socially acceptable, even endorsed in many work places. This external validation and "group think" also creates a pressure and a wrongness to feeling certain things. Let's use hopelessness as an example, and an emotion that was one of the last ones I allowed myself to be present with. I was taught through my experience of my adult rolemodels, that hopelessness is a deep hole that you will never get out of, and therefore do anything other than allow yourself to surrender into simply feeling what this is like in the body. After a spell of physical unwellness and extreme fatigue, like i'd never experienced in my 45 years of life, I did not fully start healing, until I allowed my self to feel the deep hopelessness that landed in me, when I realised that all that I tried to "fix" and be "perfect" in around my healing, couldn't actually control my healing process and speed at which it was happening. It was very inconsiderate, inconsistent, and completely unattainable to the parts of me trying to figure it out. When I finally realised that subconsciously, I was pedalling away from this emotion that felt so dangerous to my sense of SELF, I finally softened to meet it, along with the realisation of my complete lack of control, and fear of the unknown and unpredictable. I shared this too, with my parents in the moment it was happening, and it was a deeply touching and healing collective experience, as neither of my parents had fully allowed this emotion either, in their lives. And counterintuitively, it was the missing piece to my healing journey, and lead to a complete sense of relief - after the emotion had fully passed through in my acceptance of it. Wow, what a journey! That which makes us feel like we are weak, is exactly what is building our resilience, strength, courage and capacity.

When people use the terms "grounded" and "centred", my sense now, is this is the capacity to feel and be with all that is challenging, without losing our Sh*@ so to speak! Can we feel all that is emerging within us, and not react or "re-enact" our past wounds or conditioning, and sit with all of it, until a response lands... "response"  or responsibility - ability to respond.  That's some gems for you to ponder on this wonderous enlightening journey if this is your path, which I am guessing it is because you are here reading this piece that has been written for people like you!

(Why) Is it important to connect with nature in these times?

18th May 2026

I was speaking with a friend a few weeks back, and she was sharing how as she is working with essential oils and soaps - using only completely natural products - that this appears to bring some connection to people with nature. I was left pondering how this had come into her life and really transformed parts of it, people she meets, the pace she does things, and so on. It reminded me of my own journey coming into deeper connection with nature, and what this actually elicited in me, and how it animated aspects of my own wild nature that had been conditioned out of me, my family, and many societies. 

It began when I started going to conscious dance events and becoming more embodied, feeling emotions, and allowing my body to move in ways it loved to without judgement or censorship. Then I had this major wish to get my hands in the soil, and started volunteering at my local Transition Town movement, where we were growing things for the local community, and then building links with other communal activities such as greener housing projects, and local currencies. After training in my second career as a Dance Movement Psychotherapist, I decided to go travelling, and I did this via WWOOF -ing (World Wide Opportunities on Organic Farms), and GEN (Global Ecovillage Network). This meant as a single lady at 38/39 years old, I could pretty safely, travel around the globe volunteering on beautiful community farms, get plugged into their local communities and experience their culture - all whilst learning how to grow food in my garden, and eating the amazing food straight from the ground, bushes and trees. 

My first trip was to Colombia for 6 months. About 1 month in, I met an Ayurvedic practitioner who came to the Hare Krisna temple that I was WWOOF -ing at, and in her 2 minute analysis of my tongue, she explained that I had a lot of the "Vata" European energy but actually my natural state needed to include more "Kapha" energy. When I asked her what that all meant (!) she shared that I needed to get my hands in the soil, get close to nature, slow down my life and my nervous system to reset as calmer, and do this by growing things and drinking hot water. Weirdly, I literally started doing those two things 1-2 years before this synchronistic meeting, and  i had truly noticed the difference!

This is my segway to this point. Nature appears to be very resourcing. It calms, it clears people's minds, it lowers people's level of anxiety, it makes us feel connected, it can change our mood when it's sunny, windy, cloudy, sunny etc. Once we spend more time in nature, many of us start to desire to live aligned to natures cycles, like waking at dawn, and sleeping earlier and longer in the winter months. Eating vegetables and fruits that grow in the seasons natural to their rhythm. Just think about lovely large crispy cooling salads in summer, and the deeply warming winter stews with squashes and pumpkins. When one does this, as I did, you find your connection deepening even more. Let's take this moment to see how our Euopean business / busy-ness lifestyle could impact this natural way. Many of us work the same ours in winter as summer, that means getting up before daylight emerges, and having to use fake lighting to get us up. Many of us eat foods from supermarkets that are out of season and flown in from various other climates... how is our body with this? I have been on many journeys and rabbit holes around this subject, and I don't feel to say much more, other than to encourage you as the reader of this blog, to review your life around some of these parameters, and your own connection with nature. What do you experience when you go to a park, the river, or the sea? What impact does it have on you? What is it like when you run out in the rain, take a windy walk up a hill, lay on the grass in the sun? It has such an impact on us in many different ways, depending on your relationship to it's inherent nature. I used to complain when it rained in England, but when you go to deserts like Dubai or some parts of Colombia where there are long draughts, you can really miss the glorious multiple hues of green that burst out so much colour and vibrancy in the countries where there are lots of rain. I recall me and my friends always moaning about the rain, and when I lived in North Wales for 5 1/2 years, people don't complain about the rain because it rains so much of the time! You just get on with it, and the views around there are so stunning, it's more than accepted. When did we perceive rain as something horrible? I mean for growers, rain is completely known for its critical part in our food life cycle. When we don't have enough rain and have to restrict our water usage, we have a serious problem. I still know people who don't want to go out in the rain, but then you see children who go running out into it with joy and playfullness - every time pretty much! So when did we change our rleationship to it? Dog walkers don't let the weather get in the way of their canine friends getting their daily dose or activity that's for sure!

In North Wales, I used to see my Psychotherapy clients outside. As my relationship with nature became more intricate and honed, I discovered the mystical in it too. There would be times when someone would get a deep realisation of transformational proportions, and the sun would come out from behind a cloud just at that point, and would beam down a hot bright signal lighting up their whole being. Or I recall one client talking through some challenging relationships with his parents, and how they banished his innocent wild self, and this dog came bounding up to him and licking him ferociously as he spoke this out! Or this client who was discussing how she was still getting entangled in her ex relationship, and as she moved through this area of foliage, her clothes were getting caught up in the thorns of some bracken. I found this hugely enlightening and inwardly entertaining, just the awe in resonance and connection to that which we have around us, when we are paying attention.

I believe we are nature too, intrinsicly linked, so we are also reflecting eachother as nature reflects us, however nature can have more of an unthreatening presence in its delivery of a message, whereas some people find it much more challenging through their human counterparts. I have heard many a time, that having a pet is easier than a partner or friends. I have also seen in my own activism experiences and that of historical events, how some people are happy to fight, injure or harm humans in the name of climate change or animal welfare. 

As our technology advances, people are becoming more estranged from their wild nature and the natural environment. Children are ever more locked into screens than playing outdoors with their friends. Adults sat in front of screens rather than moving their bodies more moment to moment. This has also quickened our pace, when capitalism likes us to be the most efficient, and yet with time to digest and process, we are actually for more effective and creative. Nature's pace is so much slower and interconnected to the ecosystem it is a part of then us humans are. This is what conjuring our relationship to nature can bring us. When we finish work and get out for that walk in the park, doesn't everything just feel better? For many of us it does, expecially if we slow down enough to even smell some flowers, take in the beauty, and share the experience on a senses level with another.

So this then begs the questions, why have we lost that connection? What keeps us locked out of it, and what can be gleaned from re-connecting back into this more and more (it is an ongoing journey for those actively exploring). What has been the benefits and/or detriment to our communities by feeling disconnected from our surrounding natural environment? What could you start doing different from today if you believed that increasin gthis relationship to nature would increase your wellbeing? Being actively part of the Social Green Prescribing initiative, I have deepened my understanding of how relevant our connection to nature can impact our physical, mental and emotional health and wellbeing - plus the emotional and psychological wellbeing of our local and incterconnected communities. How would we be towards our neighbours, or our collective humanity, if we felt as connected to one another as the mycelium connect to their trees, roots, soil, underground water and nourishment systems? There is no "othering" that happens in nature, and a tree is a tree, whilst a rose in a rose, they do not judge eachother or try to be what they are not. So, what can we learn from this relationship, and is it important? I would confidently say, it is one of the most important relationships of our time. 

Here's an activity should you choose to do:

Get bare foot out in the garden or a park. Stand somewhere where you can smell a flower or plant of some kind. You could even pick up a bit of grass and smell it. Close your eyes after this, and feel what the climate feels like on your face, is there a breeze, is there warmth or coldness, is their wetness? Then take some deep breaths in and out, slowing the breath, and then feel how the souls of your feet feel on the ground? What's the temperature, the sensations? What happens when you rub your feet  little more into the grass or soil? 

Enjoy! And feel free to send me a message about this on the contact form below.